Transitions include any kind of change in our life, including loss through death, change in relationship status, moving, switching jobs, graduating, a diagnosis, or any kind of change in identity, to name a few. All transitions bring with them the possibility of experiencing grief, so please read this section even if you haven’t experienced any giant recent loss.
Grief is any of the completely normal and complex set of emotions that come up after a transition. Sadness, anger, confusion, numbness, fear, joy, relief…they’re all often part of grief. In some ways, you might feel “crazy” because life feels so different.
Allowing yourself to feel all of it, without distraction, is extremely helpful. Even if that means a lot of pain emotionally and physically, from the tightness of your body.
When you’ve just experienced a new loss, it can be very disorienting. I found it helpful to just focus on my body at first, keep the “meat suit” healthy, and then give myself whatever time I need to process the feelings.
Ways to keep the body healthy:
- Eat real food. At the times when Peanut and Brice died, I barely wanted to eat anyway, so I ate foods that I knew were nutritious, enough to sustain me.
- Hydrate with water or tea, not high sugar or caffeine drinks.
- Sleep. Even if you can’t sleep, lie down rest when your body wants it. I found it helpful to take melatonin at night for the first few weeks. Meditating in bed helped me sleep, too. I used guided meditations in the Headspace grief pack. I found that when counting breaths I had to count only up to 2 or 4, because it was very hard to focus when grieving.
- Move your body when you can, go for walks, dance, stretch. We hold grief and trauma in our bodies. Let it move.
- Relax your muscles. Do a body scan, like in the meditation section, but do it lying down and relax your muscles, one at a time. You can go top to bottom or bottom up. Relax every muscle from the top of your head to your toes. Repeat as often as you need. This is helpful for sleep.
Any unprocessed grief might come back up when you experience a new loss or transition, so when it’s safe to do so, it’s important to take the time to integrate the experience, to “feel the feels” and let yourself mourn.