People tend to become more open to examining their paradigms (how they see the world) when:
1. They feel emotionally safe.
Openness rarely comes from being shamed or cornered. It blooms in relationship, when we feel seen and supported without animosity. Safety blooms when the inevitable ruptures are repaired. That said, if you can soften yourself to bring tenderness even before you feel fully safe, it will help soften the space.
2. They witness contradiction gently.
When their beliefs bump into real people or stories that don’t match, especially in low-stakes, embodied ways.
3. They feel some agency and dignity.
If people feel like they can change without losing face or identity, they’re more likely to take that step.
4. They feel awe, grief, or connection.
Big feelings, especially shared, can crack open the rigid ego and make room for new truths.
Gatherings aren’t just about what happens while we’re together. They’re about what we carry home.
They’re a chance to experiment with healthier, more connected ways of being. In these spaces, we’re invited to notice our habits, question old assumptions, and shift the deep-rooted ideas that shape how we relate to others and ourselves.
Whether you’re cooking meals, setting up sound, guiding a workshop, or simply showing up as your whole self, it all matters. Every role holds power in this quiet, ongoing work of cultural transformation—changing how we live, lead, and belong together.
Below are some of the things that help us grow our shared ability to move beyond outdated patterns, especially when we’re navigating differences in background, identity, or experience.
Embodied Signals of Safety
We listen to more than words. We tune in to tone, posture, pace. When someone’s body language says “I’m with you,” we’re more likely to soften.
Small shifts: Relax your shoulders. Breathe before responding. Make eye contact if it feels safe, or offer a warm nod if it doesn’t.
Social Location Awareness
Our race, class, gender, ability, and other identities impact how we’re seen and how we move through the world. Recognizing power dynamics, and adjusting accordingly, builds trust and allows more people to stay in the room.
Practice: If you hold more social power in a space, pause and make room. If you’re from a historically excluded group or trauma history is making you wary, notice where you can protect your energy and connect with allies.
Low-Stakes Opportunities for Reflection
People don’t usually change in high-pressure moments. Casual check-ins, quiet moments, or surprising questions can open doors.
Try: “What’s something you’re rethinking lately?” or “What brought you here?” “Have you read any interesting books lately?” Or specifics related to the gathering topic: “What songs are you carrying?” “What skills are you hoping to get better at here?”
Welcoming Complexity
Shifts happen when we feel invited to hold contradictions, not forced to pick sides.
Practice: Allow others (and yourself) to be in process. Say, “I’m still learning,” or “I’m sitting with both.
Story and Lived Experience
Hearing real people’s experiences (especially those different from our own) can create openings facts can’t.
Tip: Share from the “I.” Make room for multiple truths. Listen to the impact, not just the intent.
Shared Emotional Space
Awe, grief, laughter, music, movement — these connect us in ways that shift what feels possible.
Build it in: Make space for song, ritual, play, and collective pause. If you’re taking part of the gathering, appreciate these features and let them move you.
Belonging Without Erasure
People are more willing to open up when they don’t feel like they have to perform or hide parts of themselves to fit in.
Ask: “How can we make this feel more like home for more people?”
This Is All Practice – Why It Matters
Being kind and real with each other doesn’t instantly change the world, but it creates the kind of space where change becomes possible. When we’re in hard conversations or divided groups, small gestures of care can help people let their guard down and feel safe enough to listen.
When people feel like they belong and are invited to reflect, they begin to notice how the systems around us hurt not just others, but ourselves too. That’s where real change begins — when we start imagining and building communities that care for everyone.
We don’t gather just to “get it right,” we gather to practice:
- Practicing listening when we feel reactive
- Practicing showing up when we feel unsure
- Practicing being accountable, not ashamed
- Practicing new patterns of kinship, even in tiny ways
Because how we show up here becomes how we move out there: in our families, our workplaces, our neighborhoods. Every moment of awareness or repair becomes part of the culture we’re growing together.
💬 Quick Examples for Daily Use
| Situation | You Could Say |
|---|---|
| Small talk | “What gives you hope lately?” or “What’s been lighting you up?” |
| Someone frustrated | “This system makes it hard on everyone, huh?” (acknowledge systemic roots) |
| Defensiveness | “I get how that might feel — I’ve been rethinking some stuff too.” |
| Closing convo | “It’s really good talking to someone who’s thinking deeply about life.” |
Every tiny act of humanization is a disruption of the dominant paradigm.
You may never see the full ripple — but those moments of kindness, curiosity, and care absolutely plant seeds.
View the full course: Kinship Tending Skills: How You Can Contribute to a Culture of Belonging (Festivals & Gatherings Edition)